Beautifully Broken

I had just bought a kiln and had built a wheel. I had taken a few classes in pottery but I didn't know how to run a kiln. I had things blowing up and cracking I had all this 'pottery' that wasn't any good. It was cracked, too thick too heavy and chunks would crack off in the firings and the pots would come out useless... I put the broken vessels aside.
It was around that time I started going through a really difficult season in my life. It seemed everything I had been leaning on was disappearing right before my eyes. My home group, my women's group and my marriage. I had to lean on the Lord like I never had before. I was a new Christian. Just a few years.

I had just been praying my brains out reading the word everyday and listening to a radio station that played preaching about 20 hours a day.
I was home schooling my daughter, and wasn't working outside the home. I really wanted to hear the Lord. So he could tell me what to do every minute of the day. I was such a mess. I would do one thing and say, What next Lord? He would tell me though. It went like that for a while. A couple of months.
It seemed that I could sell pottery. Here and there, enough to pay a few bills.
When I was angry, I began looking for an outlet. My daughter would leave for visits with her dad and I would smash the blown and cracked ware. After a time, that really didn't help, so I took a sledge hammer to the 'shard ware'.
It was during one of these outbursts that I felt the Lord was speaking to me. An intersecting thought- not in the flow of what I was thinking about. I was pounding on the plate that had cracked in the glaze firing.

Don't pound the shards into dust, I heard in my head. Save the best pieces.
"What? Is that the Lord?" I thought. These thought contiued for awhile.
With the good pieces you can make something new. A mosaic. If you've ever seen a mosaic, you know they are made up of thousands of pieces. That was my life in my perspective- thousands of pieces. I just began to weep. I felt like the Lord was saying that there were good parts left of my life, and with those we were going to build a new life. It would not be the life I intended, but the life He intended. It wasn't going to be my preconceived notion, but it was going to be the best parts of it saved out to make a life that glorified him.

I stayed in pottery for a long while, waiting on the Lord to show me when I would make this transition. I made a few mosaics with the blown ware just to get acclimated to the process. I was reading everything I could, to teach myself about tile and glazing and firing. I met people who inspired me and believed in me. One of my original goals was to save enough money (making pottery) to buy a slab roller to make tile, instead of rolling out miles of clay with a rolling pin. But , I barely made enough to get by.

Some wonderful folks from the church found out what I was trying to do and told me to get my list together and figure out how much I needed. They were sitting on the couch across from my friend. I remember it took a minute to sink in what they were saying.
“What, so I am going to figure out how much money I need and you are just going to write a check?” Yeah, right, I thought. That sort of thing has never happened to me. Their answer stunned me.
“Yes, that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” And they started to grin.

They wrote me a check-gave me a grant. With that money, I was able to get the slab roller. Eventually, I quit making mosaics with shard ware. I was leaving behind an old life and starting a new one. I began to realize my color palette had been reflecting my dark state of mind. After much prayer and emotional healing, I found the colors I truly enjoyed working with were the bright colors I work with today. I continued praying and asking the Lord about moving into mosaics and out of pottery. I wanted to be in his will. That was all that mattered to me. If he wanted me in pottery I would stay and be committed to it.

I felt the Lord tugging me into making pictures more and more. Additionally, I didn't see myself as a potter for life. I didn't enjoy making functional items as much as making pure art. I was a little afraid to move out of functional work and become the cliché about artists. I asked the Lord to show me where he wanted me and when.

The phone rang one day, and my friend from Project Compassion called me to tell me about a show for the Aids Task Force. She gave me the information and I called them. They were accepting artwork and they wanted to know what I thought I might donate? I had no idea. After hanging up the phone, my mind exploded with a great idea for making a 3D mosaic sculpture. I had never done anything so...well, audacious. I asked the Lord for money to complete the project, if it was in fact his idea. I woke up one morning and felt like I was to go to the hardware store and ask them for the supplies I needed.

After I was sent a letter of acceptance into the show, I went and asked for what I thought I'd need. They gave it to me! I was totally amazed. I had help making the sculpture- a table and chair. Once it was finished and ready for delivery, some friends volunteered to come and load it all and take it to the photo shoot. The intake people there were blown away. The Lady running the show just raved about it. All great. I figured the Lord had a great concept, and he allowed me to be his hands. I was blessed to be there. It was kind of strange, how clearly I knew the Lord was on this project.

After that, I was notified that the jury had accepted the piece into the Live auction. An honor of high regard. A member of the jury was from Cristy's of New York. I was impressed by that. It was said that some people had submitted to this show for years hoping to get into the live auction. I hadn't even thought about this. I just figured the Lord knew where he wanted it and it was going there. It didn't really matter to me. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be accepted into the show. There were two levels- silent auction and live auction. I landed in the highest category- live auction at the Columbus Museum of Art.
The auction came and went. The piece got a good chunk of money. A local gallery owner bought it. Whenever I feel the Lord tugging my heart to do a project, everything I need seems to come to me.

I had been hearing about another project that the major cities were doing. They chose a sort of 'mascot' like the cows in Chicago, and then that city's artists embellish them as they are artistically bent. I remember thinking that would be great if something like that ever came to Columbus...within a month, I had a brochure in my mailbox about the Street Corners project. Columbus's mascot was to be a six foot ear of corn. I called to ask if they would consider a mosaic. They were very excited about this.
We got everything together and our studio was able to be a part of that show as well. It too brought in a good chunk of change which went to charity, and the lady who held the event bought ours. I am not sure what the Lord will have me working on this year, but I am definitely open to his plans.

I am not really sure, either, how my work impacts people, but I enjoy creating work that people spontaneously want to touch. I think in a do not touch world, that is a plus. I feel blessed by the people I meet when working on projects. Usually they want to know why I would go to such an extreme and then donate the work. It's a chance to share the Lord in a different kind of way. To me being an artist is about being true. True to myself and my creator. I notice many times when I get inspirations, they aren't about the cross, but about beauty. I want to glorify God in the work I do- unto him- and I hold dear the verses out of Philippians 4:8-" Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Because it reflected in your work, and people notice.
JMM